Confessions of a parttime waitress
by SteelBlade
Summary: The musings and life of Luna Inverse, with a bit of Cepheid thrown into the mix.
1. Musings

Confessions of a part-time waitress  
  
Luna Inverse here. You know the one at whose name the notorious bandit-killer cringes. I am a waitress in a small town that can be found somewhere in Zephilia. What, you actually thought that I'd tell you the town where I live? I value my anonymity thank you very much. Being mostly unknown is a wonderful thing. No one comes to me, begging me to play the hero. There are plenty of sword-swinging buffoons out there who are more than qualified to save a village from a rampaging dragon or the odd bandit gang.

A year or tow ago, some golden dragons pestered me about going on a quest to save the world. I shrugged, consulted Cepheid, and then promptly wrote my little sister a letter. Evidently, as the world has not been destroyed yet, she must have succeeded. So I get to enjoy my simple life as a part-time waitress in a small Zephilian café why Lina goes about the place doing who knows what.

Meanwhile, letters intended for Lina tend to pile up. Everyone knows where Lina used to live, what they don't know is that I am her big sister. For fun sometimes, I read the letters, seeing what Lina has blown up this month. She almost got married to some minor noble, and then ended up in a fight with multiple sorcerers. He wants her to replace his ruined estate. Most of the letters are just laughable.

Then there are the death threats. Those, I pay special attention to. In fact, I reply to death threats, inviting them to come here and face Lina. Let's just say that assassins are quite surprised to find the Knight of Cepheid waiting for them. Cepheid approves of the way I deal with the assassins. I guess you could say I've grown beyond the rage I felt when Lina broadcast those pictures of me all over the place with that illusion spell. Learning to forgive is a part of growing up. And so I continue to watch out for my little sister, hoping that some day when she decides to stop moving around, that I will be able to protect her.

For now, I'm bouncing about a few ideas as to how I might do that. Cepheid says that there is something important brewing. The flare dragon god won't tell me what it is, however, except that it involves Lina and that I need to talk with her, alone, before he will reveal more. Ugh, sometimes being the Knight of Cepheid is tedious.


	2. Actions speak for themselves

Luna Inverse straightened her skirt and turned a small iron key, there was a small click and the restaurant was locked for the night.  Gerofme Chou, head cook, champion butcher and owner of Chou's Steak n' Ale, had entrusted her to lock the place up for the night as he had started to feel very tired.  Luna could hardly blame the man for feeling a little tired, he was still ruling his restaurant with an iron skillet at the ripe old age of ninety.  Gerofme lived in a brick cottage behind the restaurant with his daughter, her husband and their two children—both cute little mites not even ten years old.  The old cook was quite the character, and not all that bad of a fellow to work for.

Luna turned and walked down a darkened path, heading towards her cottage on the outskirts of town, enjoying the cool night air as it gently wafted among the swaths of vineyards that encircled the town.  It was late spring, and the sounds of the crickets chirruping filled the air.  Animals paid no heed to Luna, as the presence of Cepheid reassured them and calmed their doubts; this human was accompanied by the presence of something they found comfortable—like the scent of their burrows and nest.  Luna felt the Shinzoku stir as what remained of Cepheid's conscience happily felt the world through her senses, amalgating them temporarily so that he—for the Dragon god is more or less male, might see into the night.  The side effect was that Luna felt more, saw more, and heard more when the Dragon god chose to ride her senses.  The feeling was indescribable.  Sometimes the elder Inverse thought that the Dragon god simply enjoyed being as weakened as he was now, so that he might be part of the world and not an outsider.  The Dragon god was enjoying the evening, and so was Luna.

Still in her waitress uniform, she finally reached the locked door of her cottage and reached for the lock.  Cepheid let out the mental equivalent of a cry of alarm, he had heard something.  Luna turned and listened to the night.  One by one, the cheerful chirrups of the crickets died down, and a tense atmosphere hung over the clearing.  In the darkened woods, Luna was not surprised to see at least forty gleaming pairs of eyes.  The waitress made a show of looking fearful, and then stepped away from the door to her cottage.  "Whoever it is, you might as well come out now."

There was a shuffling of lumbering feet and no less then thirty trolls stepped out of the forest, accompanied by four beast-men, five Brau demons, and a nasty looking fellow in the garb of a court jester whose poise marked him a sorcerer.  Luna felt Cepheid's reassuring presence take on a hint of disdain for those who would dare threaten his knight.  The hook nosed jester-sorcerer opened his mouth, "Are you the one they call Inverse?"

            Luna smiled sweetly to the man, "Why yes, I believe I am.  Is there a problem?"  The Jester opened and shut his mouth.  How could someone this…ordinary looking, be such a threat that he had been paid nearly a king's ransom in gold to kill her.  And isn't the demure heroine supposed to be trembling with fright when confronted with insurmountable odds?  Something was not right.  Nevertheless, as Luna turned to go and unlock her front door, the Jester proceeded to make the last mistake he'd ever make.

"Fire Ball!"

The ball of white hot fire struck Luna just as her back was turned, and did little more then completely ruin her waitress's uniform.  Annoyed, covered in soot, and now scantily clad, Luna picked up a stick and turned around to face the Jester.  He found himself unable to meet the gaze of slightly singed, and extremely pissed off Knight of Cepheid as her eyes seemed to blaze with an unnatural fire.  "And just who do you think I am?"   Luna spoke in a voice that was the near equivalent of a dragon's roar.

The Jester felt a bit cocky, he had managed to wound her pride.  Surely he could do more now, and then go down in history as the man who slew Lina Inverse.  The Jester shouted to his cohorts, "Kill the bitch Lina Inverse!"  At that, all thirty trolls, four beastmen, and five Brau demons charged the elder Inverse.

At this point they promptly learned why Luna only had a part time job as a waitress.  The crimson armor of the Cepheid Knight snapped into being around her, and the stick she had been holding morphed into a wickedly sharp broadsword.  The first troll to reach Luna had the honor of being backhanded.  It flew like a child's doll, thrown in a fit of infantile rage, and crashed into a tree.  Luna grabbed a troll's fist that had been swinging at her, and proceeded to break every single bone in it, impaling the troll on a nearby pine tree as merely an afterthought.  A few thundering kicks to the backs of their necks, and the beast-men were instantly slain as their spines were shattered.  

The Brau demons fared no better.  A single swing of Luna's god-wrought blade, and the might of Cepheid snapped the spirits of the Brau demons like burnt straw. 

No less then half a minute after the fight—although it would be better to call it a slaughter--began the Jester found himself standing alone in the clearing.  Thirty trolls and five Brau demons lay motionless, the trolls neatly decapitated or ripped to pieces to prevent their regeneration.  Still in the armor of Cepheid, she walked up to the trembling sorcerer, noting with distaste that he had soiled himself.  She gave him that same waitress smile, "Now tell me, why do you think I'm Lina Inverse?"

He gave no answer and babbled incoherently.  Luna frowned and last thing the Jester ever saw was the movement of her lips as they spoke the incantation of a spell.

"Chaotic Disintegrate!"  


	3. Of dreams and Dragon Gods

Confessions of a Part-time Waitress

Part 3-Dreams and Dragon Gods

Some time later Luna Inverse yawned, locked the door to her cottage with a quick turn of the key and went to bed. Nothing out of the ordinary occurred, no revelations, prophecies, or anything of that manner. It was sleep, deep and dreamless. The Dragon God stayed awake, watching over his champion with the utmost care. It wouldn't do, Cepheid thought, for his champion to be slain in her sleep with her hair splayed out across her pillow. A few nightmares, the tendrils of the Dark Golden Lord, centered round the sleeping Inverse. Cepheid batted them away. The Lord of Nightmares could be protected against to a degree, as Luna's younger sister found out when she tried to slay Gaav the Demon Dragon king with the mighty Laguna blade. Common nightmares were nowhere near a match for the Dragon God, as they were nowhere near as powerful as the Laguna blade or even the Giga Slave. The tendrils withdrew from the cottage, and the presence of Cepheid began to roam the wooded copse around Luna's cottage. The animals in the swathe of forest felt a gentle, reassuring presence as Cepheid's spirit flowed among the trees. The Dragon God peered into a robins nest. Cepheid smiled, or at least that's how you can imagine it. He liked this world. How could Ruby-Eye be so blinded by his jealousy of humanity that he would want to destroy a gem such as this? 

The root cause, Cepheid believed, of the Mazoku race's hatred for all existence was centered round the humans. Generally, the Mazoku hated the hybrid creatures of spirit and flesh with a hatred that would put the worst megalomaniac to shame, and at the same time were green with envy. Shaburanigdo detested the fact that the Lord of Nightmares had gifted the Mazoku and Shinzoku bodies of pure spirit, but had granted the humans bodies of both flesh and spirit. The humans had access to such wonderful senses such as taste, touch, smell, and a sense of time's passage. They could savor, while the Mazoku could only experience. Cepheid remembered this first cause of Ruby-Eye's long war; he must not ever forget it. No matter how weakened he became, the Dragon God would never forget. The Mazoku had refused Cepheid's pleas to not touch the humans, who at the time had only discovered magic. He had ridiculed the Dragon God as being an arrogant fool, for letting a race of such weak, transient beings inhabit the world. 

When Shaburanigdo's servants: Xellas Metallium, Dynast, Phibrizzio, Gaav, and Deep Sea Dolphin began to ravage the world and butcher the scattered humans like so many cattle, the Dragon God took to action. Using portions of his own spirit, he created the four Dragon Gods to rule over the Ryuzoku; the dragon races Cepheid created in his image as the guardians of the world. The Ryuzoku were not born of the Lord of Nightmares, they were born of Cepheid, mortal agents of both spirit and flesh crafted to guard the world. Then the weakened Cepheid along with his four cohorts and the newly created Ryuzoku, went to war. Cepheid's servants taught the humans of Shamanism, white magic, and black magic—a clever trick the Dragon God had thought at the time. What better way to fight Ruby-Eye than to use his own power against his lieutenants?

At the final cataclysmic confrontation where Cepheid fought Ruby-Eye, the Mazoku God released a blast of destructive power that would have annihilated the world had it been unchallenged. Confronted with the death of all he loved, Cepheid used all of his energies to both absorb the blast and defeat Shaburanigdo, for the Dragon God knew that his servants and the humans would carry on the war for their survival long after he passed away. And so, the Dragon God sunk into supposed oblivion as Shaburanigdo was split into seven parts and sealed, supposedly for all time. 

The light of dawn peeked over the horizon and Luna Inverse stirred.


	4. Chouing Down

Part 4-Chou-ing down

Luna was late to work that day. Groggy and grumpy, she had cleaned up the corpses that littered the clearing around her cottage. No matter how strong you are, digging is hard work. She trudged into the restaurant just in time for the lunch-hour or what Gerofme called the lunch-hour, when all the gardeners would come in for a meal, and perhaps a pint of ale. Ale was a delicacy in this part of Zelphilia, as wine was common enough due to the presence of the many vineyards. In most other parts of the world, ale was cheap and wine was for the wealthy. In this part of Zelphilia however, good wine was easy to come by, and ales were rare and far between.

"Luna! Why are you late this time? Gerofme angrily called out in his peculiar accent as she walked through the back door into the kitchen. He then noticed her slightly singed hair and looked at her worriedly, "Another incident? How many this time?""

"Nearly forty."

"Forty?" scoffed the old cook. He had to remind himself, "They", whoever they are, must be getting desperate." He paused and then continued, "Whoever 'they' are, I'm sure you of all people can deal with it."

Luna nodded and stifled a laugh, "Of course I can handle a few measly trolls, sorcerers, and Brau demons. Didn't even work up a sweat giving them what they ordered. I was quick about it, just like you said to be. Always give the customer what they want when they ask for it."

Gerofme chuckled, gesturing with a huge two-tined fork he used for grilling steaks, "Yes indeed." The old man pirouetted on his heels, "You give it to them like this!" He thrust the two-pronged fork forward at whip-crack speed, sinking the fork into an onion that had the distinct misfortune of sitting on a countertop that was just the right height. "And then," the old cook continued. "You follow up like THIS!" He flicked the fork upward with a quick shake of his wrist, launching the onion into the air. There was a silvery blur of motion and the onion fell back to the countertop, neatly diced. Luna smiled, laughed a bit, and then went to serve tables.

To say that Luna Inverse is merely a good swordswoman would be wholly inadequate. She is quite possibly the pinnacle of the art. She has slain rampaging dragons with nothing more then a kitchen knife, and beat down entire bandit gangs with a rolling pin. At this moment she was becoming severely annoyed. Heroic types were very well and good, spending money like water—as Gerofme had often pointed out, but they often become disagreeable when drunk. Nevertheless, she was also the greatest part-time waitress to ever walk the face of the earth.

Right now, the greatest swordswoman in the world listened to a muscle-bound heroic type as he buried his sorrows in well-done steaks, and drowned his memories with ale. She had absolutely no clue what the fellow was going on about, but he seemed heartbroken so she decided to listen to the idiot in the hope that he might tip well.

_Stupid brute…_

"And then I discovered that my beautiful Lala was actually a ma…" The great hero Volun sobbed loudly. Luna handed him a handkerchief and pretended to listen. Volun slammed his head against the table "The only woman I ever loved was a man…and her love was a sham." A third party observer would have noticed that Volun was now standing on his chair as he told an epic tale of sorrow and loss. It was a deep and meaningful yarn, and had a profound impact on the lives of all the characters within hearing. Luna pretended to listen, and then thought of something else.

_ If this were the anime, the reader would have seen Volun's head grow to humongous size and his eyes spout veritable rivers of tears. As this would be wholly inappropriate to fanfiction of a serious tone and cause great confusion on the part of Ms. Inverse, we have decided to omit this detail of the Volun incident entirely. The silliness must stop somewhere. -The Auditors _

The heroic fellow immediately launched into an epic tale about how he killed Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo. Luna noticed that his eyes were glazed over; the stupid man was dead drunk. She immediately went to wait on a scantily clad sorceress who had just walked into the restaurant.

The black haired, bikini-clad sorceress let out a horrible laugh, the kind of laugh that scares small children, makes pigtailed martial artists flee in abject terror, and makes various barnyard animals nervous.

"Ohohohoho! Table for one."

Luna blinked. Things were getting interesting. "Over here." She beckoned and then led the sorceress over to an empty table. Handing the sorceress a menu Luna spoke in a cheerful tone, "Hello Miss, I'm Luna Inverse and I'll be serving you today."

"Inverse eh?" Naga glanced at Luna, and then back at the menu.

"Miss?" Luna nodded slowly, somewhat confused.

"Never mind." Naga squinted and ran a gloved finger down the menu.

"I'll take this, and this, and this..."

"Alright then..."

A few hours later, when Naga the White Serpent finally left the restaurant, Luna conceded that she had never seen someone eat so much food in her life. Naga had managed to eat enough food for twelve people, buying the most expensive dishes available. Gerofme stamped out of the kitchen, waving his grilling fork in the air. "Ye Gods, I've never seen someone eat so much food in my life...I'll have to visit the butchers' tonight." On he rambled, "That sorceress was a nice one to look at, but she ate enough meat for twelve men." Luna chuckled, "Yeah. My little sister used to eat like that." Then both cook and waitress went back to work

As evening came, business sped up, farmers got drunk, and Luna had to remove more then a few slightly tipsy--if not amorous customers from the restaurant. She shifted the weight of a dead drunk Volun slung over her shoulder. If he threw up, she swore, Volun would learn the meaning of being beaten silly. Great hero her foot, just another sword-swinging moron. She was halfway out the back door of the restaurant when she felt a hand groping her bosom...

WHAM

_Insert anime-ish scene where a male character is punted into Low-Earth-Orbit_

Some days, this job could be quite the drag. But that's how everyday life is.


End file.
